i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
