My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
