...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Couch. On fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
