Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
