its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
