I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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