office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
