I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
