I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
