I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
