Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
