So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
