I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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