It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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