I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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