i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
