I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
