It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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