I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
