If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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