i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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