Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
