I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
