I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
