i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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