so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
