matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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