We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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