Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
