it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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