just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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