my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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