If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
