What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
