hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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