sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
