I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
