dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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