Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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