I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
