New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
