Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
