Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
