Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
