I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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