he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
