I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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