sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
