Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh god it's open bar.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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