She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
