how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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