I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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