there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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