i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
a search helicopter?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
