I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
