They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
