You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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