someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
