i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
