then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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